The Reason
Chapter Seven

The snow was crunchy now, the constantly blowing wind had taken much of the moisture from it, turning it almost to ice. The tracks in the snow-covered dirt roads and lanes had become deep ruts that made driving them difficult for all but the best of four wheel drive vehicles.

 

Paula was grateful to have Rob home to keep a fire going and attend to the chickens and other livestock. He had kept extra busy, because he was also taking care of Terry’s farm. Terry and Chelsea had left to drive to California the day after New Year’s.

 

Rob walked in, the boys behind him, having shed their coats and boots in the laundry room. Paula looked up from the shirt she was mending.

 

“Well,” Rob told her, “I don’t know what you want to call it…science, I guess. Anyway, the boys all know how to replace a thermostat in the automatic waterer now.”

 

“You all look cold,” Paula observed, “How about I make some hot cocoa?”

 

“Great!” The boys all cheered as she went to make it.

 

“Any word from Terry?” Rob followed, “I thought they’d be home by now.”

 

“Nothing,” she turned on the burner to heat water, “Where were they when he called?”

“Tulsa,” he got out mugs and started putting the cocoa mix in them, “But he said they were predicting another snow storm.”

 

“Yes,” she reported, “I checked the weather while you were out. It already hit Oklahoma and it’s heading our way now. They could be driving right with it.”

 

“How much are they predicting?”

“Three to five inches,” she shook her head, “Just what we need on top of this slick stuff we have left. Have I mentioned how glad I am you’re home?”

 

“Daily,” he smiled, “I’ll be glad when Terry gets home. Keeping up with his place is a full time job in this kind of weather.”

 

Paula poured the water and Rob stirred. The boys lined up to get their cups and carry them off to savor with their reading books. Just then, the phone rang.

 

“Hello,” Rob grabbed it, “Hey! We were just talking about you…Good…OK…Well, why don’t you just bring it over here? I’ll go pull ours out of the machine shed and you can park it there for now. OK, see you in a few minutes.”

 

“Terry?” Paula asked.

 

“Yes,” he hung up, “He can’t get the trailer down his lane. I told him…Well, you heard what I told him. If Chelsea’s going to live here, she might as well keep her stuff here, anyway. I’d better go move our trailer out of the way.”

 

~*~

 

Mitch arrived just in time for supper, and to hear the story of the trip from Terry and Chelsea. Everyone settled in for the roast Paula had prepared and listened to Terry tell about the snowstorm they had out run on the return trip.

 

“So what about the big story?” Mitch asked, “Chelsea, what happened with your mother?”

Chelsea rolled her eyes, “Oh, dear…You tell them, Dad.”

 

“Well,” Terry shook his head, “Karen hasn’t changed one bit. After Chelsea called and told her we were there, and that she was moving back here, Karen made a mad dash…and I put great emphasis on the MAD part of that…Comes roaring in, screaming and yelling and throwing things…But I was really proud of my girl…She looks right at Karen and says, ‘Please, Mom, break as much as you can. The more you break, the less we have to haul back and the quicker we can get out of here!’”

 

Rob and Paula both started laughing, then Mitch joined in, as well. The younger boys just gave each other questioning looks.

 

“I wish you could have seen her face,” Chelsea grinned, “You know, Mitch, you’ve been telling me what a trip your mother is, well maybe you’d like to try mine out for a while?”

 

“No thanks,” he shook his head, “I’ve decided to adopt Paula. Maybe you can do the same.”

 

“She doesn’t need to adopt me,” Paula remarked, “She’s already my only niece, so that makes her extra special.”

 

The phone rang and Paula jumped up to get it, “Hello?”

 

“Paula,” Bill’s voice was shaking, “Is Rob there? I need to talk to him.”

 

“Yes,” she motioned to Rob, covering the receiver, “Honey, it’s your dad…He sounds upset.”

 

“I’ll take it in the other room,” he nodded and she listened for him to pick up.

 

“Wonder what’s wrong?” Mitch asked, as she sat back down.

 

“We’ll find out soon enough,” she assured, “So, Chelsea, other than your mom, I take it things went smoothly?”

“Yes,” she answered, “I even got my car sold and the deposit back on my apartment.”

 

Rob walked back in, his face ashen. Paula immediately jumped up and ran to him. He grabbed her and pulled her to him.

 

“Honey, what’s wrong?” She asked.

 

“It’s Mom,” he said weakly, his voice cracking, “She’s…”

 

Terry jumped up, “She’s what?”

Rob looked at his brother and swallowed hard, “Dad was gone…he went somewhere…He came home and…found her there…He called an ambulance…”

 

Everyone was on their feet now, gathered around Rob. Paula was still in his arms and she could feel him clinging to her for strength. She wondered if anyone else realized how hard it was for him to deliver this message.

 

“They think she had a stroke,” he continued, “Or maybe it was a heart attack…they don’t know for sure…”

 

“She’s in the hospital, then,” Terry concluded.

 

“No,” Rob’s voice was shaking, “It was too late…they couldn’t do anything…”

 

Paula turned to her sons, “Boys, please go pack your things. We need to go help Grandpa.”

 

They immediately ran to their rooms as instructed.

 

“I’ll take care of all the stock,” Mitch volunteered, sizing up the situation quickly, “You all need to leave tonight. I can take care of both places, don’t worry.”

 

“I can stay here, too,” Chelsea nodded, “Mitch and I can come up together in a day or two.”

 

“Rob,” Terry looked hard at his brother, “Can you do this tonight?”

 

Rob took a deep breath, still holding tightly to his wife, “Yes. I have to.”

 

“Then you all go ahead,” Terry requested, “I need a night’s rest. I’ll come first thing tomorrow. Chelsea, I want you to ride up with me. Let Mitch stay here and handle things.”

 

“OK, Dad,” she put her arm around him, “Whatever you want.”

 

“That’s fine,” Rob was starting to gather himself, “We’d better throw some things together and get on the road. I told him I’d be there as soon as I could.”

 

“Paula,” Chelsea offered, “You two go pack. I’ll clean up in here. I can at least do that for you.”

 

“Thank you, Honey,” Paula smiled, “You’re a godsend. You are, too, Mitch. Come on, Rob, let’s go get packed.”

 

~*~

 

Rob sat on the bed, almost unaware of his wife hastily gathering clothes together and putting them in a suitcase. She let him have a few minutes of silence before she stopped packing and sat next to him.

 

“Honey,” she put her arm around him, “Do you need me to drive?”

 

“No,” he pulled her close to him, “I’m OK. I’ll be better off driving than just sitting.”

 

“I’ve got all of our things ready,” she told him, “I’ll go check on the boys. Are you sure you’re OK?”

 

“As long as you’re with me,” he held her tightly, “I’ll be OK.”

 

~*~

 

“We’ll be up as soon as we can tomorrow,” Terry hugged Paula, “I just need to get some sleep before I drive again.”

 

“Be careful,” Paula told him, “And just stay here tonight if you want. Chelsea, Honey, take care of your dad.”

 

“I will,” Chelsea hugged her, “You take care of Uncle Rob and Grandpa. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

Paula hugged Mitch, “Thank you. Why don’t you just stay here, too, OK?”

 

“I will,” he assured, “And don’t worry about things down here. Take care of Dad. Will you give me a call tonight when you get there?”

 

“OK,” she nodded, “See you soon.”

 

~*~

 

Most of the trip was spent in silence. The boys were even quiet, sensing their father’s need to gather his strength and wits for the ordeal ahead. Paula knew that what he needed the most was for her to just be there beside him, so she kept her thoughts to herself, instead of thinking out loud as she usually did.

 

There were lights on in all the rooms when they drove up. The boys each grabbed a suitcase without being told. Paula followed Rob to the front door as he let himself in. The house was silent and the living room was empty.

 

“Dad?” Rob called, “We’re here…Dad?”

 

Bill appeared from the family room, looking ten years older and very disheveled, “Rob…I’m glad you’re here, Son.”

 

Rob embraced his father, “I got here as soon as I could. Terry and Chelsea will be here tomorrow. They just got back from San Diego and he needed to sleep before getting behind the wheel again.”

 

“Paula,” Bill hugged her, then the boys, “Thank you for coming so quickly, Dear.”

 

“Do we need to call anyone for you?” Paula offered.

 

“No,” Bill shook his head, “I called my sister, Maude, and Sally’s sister, Betty. They’re calling all the rest of the family.”

 

“Boys,” she directed, “Why don’t you go get settled into your father’s old room? Rob, Honey, I’m going to call Mitch and let him know we made it.”

 

~*~

 

It was after midnight before Rob turned off the light in the guestroom. He crawled into bed next to Paula and pulled her close to him. She lay there holding him silently for several minutes, just letting him rest.

 

“Do you think your dad will sleep?” She finally asked gently.

 

“I doubt it,” Rob confessed, “You know, he refused to go into their room. I tried to get him to sleep in here or Terry’s old room, but he insisted on the recliner.”

 

“I know,” she kissed his chest, “And I can understand, too. I could never sleep in our bed without you.”

 

“Paula,” he whispered, “Don’t. Please. Not now.”

 

She fought her tears back, “I’m sorry, Honey. I know you need to stay strong for your dad right now.”

 

“I need to stay strong for everyone right now,” he stated, “And I need you to help me do that, OK?”

 

“Of course,” she looked up into his eyes, “I’ll do anything you need. You know that.”

 

“I know,” he pulled her back down next to him, “And what I need now is just to lay here and hold you. Go to sleep, Sweetheart. Someone needs to be rested tomorrow.”

 

~*~

 

Tomorrow came crashing in far too early. Paula was awakened by the empty space next to her. Rob was up and trying to dress quietly. He had been awakened by his father wandering aimlessly through the house.

 

“Rob, Honey,” Paula sat up, “Are you OK?”

 

“Yeah,” he buttoned his shirt, “I was trying to let you sleep.”

 

“I’ll get up, too,” she reached for her clothes, “Maybe if I fix breakfast your father will eat something.”

 

“It’s worth a try,” Rob nodded, “I don’t think the boys are up yet.”

 

“Let them sleep,” she pulled on her jeans, “Did you get any sleep at all?”

“Some,” he reached for her, “Hey, I’m glad you’re here.”

 

“Where else would I be?” She kissed his cheek.

 

“In heaven, with all the other angels,” he hugged her.

 

“It wouldn’t be heaven without you there,” she said softly.

 

He held her tightly, as if he were soaking up all her strength to use as his own. She let him have that moment of refuge he needed.

 

When he stepped back, she told him, “Honey, when I talked to Mitch last night, I told him we’d try to get services set in the early afternoon. He needs to be able to drive up and back in the same day. He wants to know if he should drive our truck and bring the big trailer to get some horses while he’s here.”

 

He sighed, “I’ll try to get it set for 1:00 or 1:30. I’ll talk to Dad when I can about the horses. He doesn’t have any business taking care of them right now, that’s for sure.”

 

“I’m hoping we can get him to come home with us,” Paula confessed, “At least for a while.”

 

“Don’t hold your breath,” he warned, “Well, we’d better go face this day.”

 

~*~

 

Paula was relieved when Terry and Chelsea arrived late that morning. She could see the relief on Rob’s face, as well. After all the hugs and greetings had been exchanged, Chelsea went with Paula to the kitchen to find something to prepare for lunch.

 

“How’s Grandpa handling things?” Chelsea asked.

 

“He’s in a daze now,” Paula reported, “I don’t think he slept at all last night. He did eat a little breakfast, but not much.”

“How about Uncle Rob?” Chelsea wondered.

 

“He’ll be OK,” Paula smiled, “He has that depth of strength to him, you know. As long as someone else needs him, he can always reach a little deeper within himself and pull more strength out.”

 

“I think you’re his depth of strength, Aunt Paula,” Chelsea observed. “I think he’d be totally lost without you.”

 

“I know I’d be lost without him,” Paula smiled, “How’s your dad handling it?”

“He’s doing all right,” she told her, “I’m glad he waited until today to drive up. I’m also glad I’m here for him.”

 

“Me, too,” Paula put an arm around her, “We’re all glad you’re here.”

 

“Is lunch ready?” Rob came in, “The boys are getting hungry.”

 

“We’re bringing it out,” Paula nodded, “We need to get your dad to eat, OK?”

 

“I’ll do what I can,” Rob shrugged, “Listen, Terry and I are going to take him over to make all the arrangements after lunch. Can you ladies stay here with the boys and answer the phone and tell the story over and over again?”

 

“Yes, Honey,” Paula assured, “We’ll take care of things here.”

 

~*~

 

Paula hung the phone up and sat down, “Poor Rob. He’s so tired of answering questions about what happened. People just keep calling with the same questions and none of us know the answers.”

 

“I know,” Chelsea was looking out the sliding glass doors, “When do you think people will start piling in on us? Who is there to come, anyway? I don’t even know how big the family is or where they all live.”

 

“Well,” Paula started down the list, “On Bill’s side, there’s his younger sister, Maude. She’s the one who he had call everyone. She’s a widow with two grown sons and lives in Illinois somewhere close to Effingham. Then he has an older sister, Claudia, who also lives in that same area and I think her husband is still living. I don’t remember how many kids they have. The last one is Edward, he’s the oldest by far, up in his 80’s. I can’t ever remember if it’s Tennessee or Kentucky where he lives. He doesn’t get around very good, so I doubt if he’ll make it. Not sure about his kids; he’s got three or four, I think, and I believe he lives with one of them.”

 

“What about Grandma’s side?” Chelsea wondered.

 

“Let’s see,” Paula recalled, “There’s her sister, Betty, who lives in Kansas City. She’s the other one he called last night. She’s a widow without any children, but she’s younger and pretty independent. She’ll be here, I’m sure. Then there’s another sister…older…I can’t ever remember her name. Oh yes, Helen. She lives in Chicago and has a whole passel of kids.”

 

“You don’t know most of these people, either, do you?” Chelsea guessed.

 

“No,” Paula shook her head, “I’ve met Betty, Maude and Edward. That’s about all. We get Christmas cards sometimes, but I don’t really know any of them. They’re all so scattered out, they rarely see each other any more. When Bill’s parents were alive, the family on his side used to all get together down at the farm, but once his dad died, they kind of fell apart. I don’t think Sally’s family was ever very close.”

 

“They’re back,” Chelsea announced.

 

Rob led them in, looking drained and tired. Paula went to meet him and he seemed relieved by the sight of her.

 

“Hi, Sweetheart,” she kissed him, “Did you get everything set?”

 

“Yes,” he held her for a moment, “The visitation is tomorrow night at 7:00. We need to be there by 6:30. The services are the next day at 1:00. Any more calls?”

 

“Lots of calls,” she reported, “I’ve been making a list of who we need to call back with information.”

 

“Oh,” he groaned, “I don’t think I can tackle that right now.”

 

“You don’t have to,” Chelsea offered, “I’ll start calling them right now, myself.”

 

“Thank you, Honey,” Rob hugged her, “I’d really appreciate that. Listen, you need to tactfully let them know they can’t camp out here. We’ve already got a full house, there just isn’t room for anymore.”

 

“I can do that,” Chelsea nodded, “Paula and I have already put together a list of hotels to suggest.”

 

“Bless you both,” he smiled, “I’m going to go try to convince Dad to lie down for a while.”

 

~*~

 

The next 24 hours were a blur for Paula. The phone seemed to ring endlessly and people began trailing in. Some of them came with food and the best of intentions, others brought their own sob stories that should have been left unsaid.

 

Chelsea and Paula tried to run interference as much as possible to shield Bill and his sons from the chaos and confusion. Paula was thankful for Chelsea’s quiet, calm demeanor and she was silently longing for Mitch to be there soon.

 

~*~

 

Paula crawled into bed, exhausted, after midnight for the third night in a row. Rob took her into his arms and she knew he was nearing the breaking point.

 

“How do you think your dad’s holding up?” She asked.

 

“He’s just on auto-pilot now,” Rob told her, “I don’t think he’ll even remember who was there tonight.”

 

“And what about you?” She kissed his chest.

 

“I’m running on fumes,” he confided, “And they’re getting pretty thin.”

 

“That’s what I thought,” she snuggled in closer, “Is there anything I can do to help?”

 

“You’re doing it,” he confessed, “If I can just get through tomorrow, it’ll be down hill from there.”

 

“Mitch will be here tomorrow,” she reminded, “That should help a little. What do you think about sending the boys back with him?”

“That’s a good idea,” he agreed, “I think they’ve suffered through enough of this.  Terry and I both tried to convince Dad to come home with us, but he won’t hear of it.”

 

“Maybe he’ll change his mind after tomorrow,” Paula hoped.

 

“I hope so,” Rob sighed, “I really don’t want to leave him alone here and I don’t want to stay here, either. It would be so much easier if he were under our roof. Well, Honey, I need to try to sleep and so do you. We’re both going to need our wits about us tomorrow.”

 

“OK,” she kissed him, “Goodnight, Sweetheart. I love you.”

 

“I love you.”

 

~*~

 

The next morning was a blur again. Mitch drove up in their truck, with the trailer in tow, just in time to head for the funeral home. Paula and Chelsea both hugged him like he was rescuing them from a deserted island.

 

“Pretty rough, huh?” He asked them.

 

“That’s an understatement,” Chelsea smiled.

 

“Sorry I couldn’t get here sooner,” he looked at Paula.

 

“It’s all right,” Paula assured, “Someone had to stay behind and look after things there.”

 

“Come on, Paula,” Rob called, “We need to leave. Mitch, you riding with us or following?”

 

“I’ll just follow,” he answered, “If it’s OK to bring the trailer.”

 

“Sure,” Rob nodded, “See you there.”

 

~*~

 

Paula gritted her teeth and held her tears back during the services. She knew Rob couldn’t handle her crying, so she kept telling herself it was the thing he needed from her most right now. He held her hand, squeezing it from time to time, when he felt weak and needed reassurance. The sun came out on the way to the cemetery and the wind calmed, making it much more tolerable to stand in the snow. Rob got pulled away as soon as the services concluded, so Paula sought out Chelsea and Mitch, who were with the boys.

 

“I need to get going if I have to load horses,” Mitch told her.

 

“I know,” Paula nodded, “Let me go find your father and see what he wants to do.”

 

She worked her way through the crowd until she found him, “Rob, Honey, Mitch needs to get the horses loaded and head back.”

 

“Oh, yeah,” he stepped back to talk to her, “You go back to the house with him and get started loading. I’ll be there shortly with the boys. Is he OK with taking them home?”

 

“Yes,” she confirmed, “He can leave them with my folks while he’s at work.”

 

“OK,” Rub hugged her, “I’ll get away just as soon as I can.”

 

“Which horses are we sending?” Paula asked, “He can only take four. Does it matter who goes and who stays?”

 

He rubbed his face, trying to think, “Yes, it does. Send the three horses that Dad gave to the boys. We’ll haul Cowgirl and ButterScotch in his trailer with the Jeep. Those two don’t like to be separated.”

 

“OK,” she kissed him,  “We’ll get started. See you soon.”

 

~*~

 

As Paula rode back with Mitch, she noticed a large suitcase in back, “What’s that for?”

 

“It’s for Chelsea,” he told her, “She called me last night and asked me to bring her some things.”

 

“Why?” Paula wondered.

 

“Because she’s going to offer to stay here with Grandpa, since he doesn’t want to leave,” he smiled.

 

“Bless her heart,” Paula praised, “How sweet of her.”

 

“You know what she said?” Mitch asked, then went on to answer his own question, “She said maybe this is the reason.”

 

“Maybe it is,” Paula reflected, “I’ve certainly thought it’s the reason Rob’s not working. Mitch, thanks for staying behind and taking care of stuff at home. I don’t know what we would’ve done without you.”

 

“Well,” he raised his brows, “I’ve been thinking there was a reason Dancer got tangled up in that fence last summer.”

 

“Yeah,” she smiled, “I’ve thought the same thing.”

 

“Hey,” he posed, “I’ve been wondering something. If you were so close to my great grandparents, why didn’t you meet dad at Great Grandma’s funeral?”

 

“Because I couldn’t go,” she explained, “I was working and couldn’t get off. My dad went and I’m sure he saw Rob, but he doesn’t remember it.”

 

“Do you think things would have been different if you’d gone?” He wondered.

 

“Probably,” she nodded, “Because it wouldn’t have been a good time in his life. Actually, Rob and I have talked about that. We’re both glad we didn’t meet then.”

 

“It wasn’t the right time, you mean?” He observed, “That’s why you keep telling me to be patient, isn’t it?”

 

“Exactly,” she reached over and patted his knee, “She’s out there somewhere, Mitch, but she’s not ready for you yet. And, whether you believe me or not, you’re not really ready for her.”

 

“But I feel ready,” he confessed.

 

“You’re not,” she stated flatly, “Or you wouldn’t be concerned with what you want or need.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He shot her a strange look.

 

“Look at your father,” she instructed, “Who is the most important person in his life?”

 

“You are,” he answered quickly.

 

“And who’s next?” She asked.

 

“His sons,” he reflected.

 

“Who does he think of last?” She challenged.

 

He thought for a moment, then sighed, “Himself.”

 

“Are you really ready for that, Mitch?” She asked.

 

“No,” he pulled the truck up to the stable and got out, “I guess I’m not.”

 

~*~

 

Rob and the boys arrived just as Paula was leading Butterfingers out of the stable. She felt her heart jump as he stepped out of the Jeep, dressed in his black suit and tie. Mitch grabbed the lead rope and let her run to Rob.

 

“Hi, Honey,” she kissed him, “Boys, I left clothes on the bed for you to change into. Leave your suits in there and I’ll pack them with our stuff when we come home. Your bags are already in the truck.”

 

“You need any help?” Rob offered, somewhat distantly.

 

“We’ve got them all in now and ready to go,” she informed, cuddling up to him, as she did so often.

 

“I’d better go change too,” he pulled away, “People will be piling in on us soon.”

 

“Need some help?” She smiled, hoping to lighten his spirits.

 

He just shook his head and walked away, heading for the house. Paula felt a sharp pain in her heart and fought to keep the tears from exploding out. She wanted to run after him, but she knew he wanted to be alone.

 

“You OK?” Mitch put a strong hand on her shoulder.

 

“I’m fine,” her voice broke as she turned toward him, “Everybody settled in? The boys should be ready to leave in a few minutes.”

 

“Is he starting to push you away?” Mitch asked, concerned.

 

“He’s just fighting to hold himself together,” she nodded, “He’ll feel better when we’re home.”

 

“And what about you?” He asked, softly, “What’s holding you together?”

 

“Will power,” she smiled, a tear escaping from her eye, “And knowing that it kills him to see me cry.”

 

“I’m here,” he said in a low, firm voice, “Anytime you need me, I’m here.”

 

“We’re ready,” Jason came running out, the twins not far behind.

 

Paula was relieved by their appearance, “You boys be good for Mitch, OK? And help him get chores done.”

 

“We’ll be fine,” Mitch returned to his usual cocky tone, “Won’t we, Boys?”

 

They all nodded and then hugged Paula. Rob came up, now in jeans and a flannel shirt. He hugged them all silently, then nodded to Mitch.

 

“We’ll be home soon,” Paula told them, “Maybe even tomorrow.”

 

“No later than the day after,” Rob told Mitch.

 

Rob and Paula returned to the silent house. She was unsure what to say or do, something she was unaccustomed to where Rob was concerned. He walked to the sliding glass doors and stood looking out, hands in his pockets. In all the years she’d known him, there had never been any barriers between them, but she could feel him building a wall around himself.

 

“Honey,” she walked over and put her arm around him, “Mitch says Chelsea’s going to offer to stay here with your father. Do you think he’ll let her do that?”

 

She could almost see a weight lift off his shoulders as he sighed, “I sure hope so. That would make everything so much easier.”

 

“We could go home sooner,” she shared, “I know you want to go home.”

 

He looked down at her and she saw him starting to break, “All I really want is to just be with you.”

 

“You are with me,” she went into his arms and felt his defenses falling down, “I’m right here, Honey. I’m not going anywhere.”

 

The front door opened and people began pouring in. They both took a deep breath and braced themselves for the onslaught.

 

~*~

 

Rob turned the Jeep down their lane in the early afternoon of the following day. He pulled up next to the stable with his father’s two-horse trailer. ButterScotch and Cowgirl greeted their friends in typical horse fashion as they were led into stalls. After getting the horses settled, Rob and Paula headed inside the house, luggage in hand.

 

“Should we go get the boys?” Paula asked as Rob sat down on their bed.

 

“What time is it?” He asked, looking at his watch and answering his own question, “No, it’s already almost 2:00. Just let Mitch bring them home. You know what I’d like right now?”

“What?” She was already unpacking.

 

“I would really like,” he reached up and grabbed her, “Just a few minutes alone with my wife.”

 

She stopped what she was doing and smiled at him, “I’m glad to be home, too.”

 

“Come here,” he pulled her down onto his lap and kissed her, “Thank you.”

 

“For what?” She asked.

 

“For going through all that mess with me,” he answered, “I just don’t think I could have survived without you there.”

 

“I’m your wife, Rob,” she looked into his eyes, “Do you think I’d let you go through that alone?”

 

“You know what I just keep thinking about?” He gathered her close, “I keep thinking of how Grandma had a stroke and Grandpa had to take care of her for so long. He never complained, just did it. And then when she died, he was so lost for so long without her. Now, Dad’s left without Mom…Paula…”

 

“Shh,” she stopped him, “I won’t. I promise.”

 

He buried his face in her hair and she could feel him crying, “I can’t lose you like this, Paula. I’m not that strong.”

 

“You won’t,” she comforted, “It’s OK. Remember? We made a deal. We’re going to get really old and die together.”

 

“Yes,” he pulled back enough to look at her, “I do remember. Can we really do it that way, you think?”

 

“We have to,” she kissed him, “Because there’s no way I can survive without you, and you can’t survive without me. So that’s the only way.”

 

He smiled at her, “Whatever you say, Honey. If anyone can make it happen it’s you.”

 

~*~

 

January was nearing an end, and the Jackson’s were all visiting around the dinner table. Mitch was now a regular fixture at the house, usually only going to his place to sleep at night. Rob and the boys had been busy working on the web-site and coming up with ideas to sell.

 

“So,” Paula remarked, “Your birthday is coming up, Mitch. What day in February is it?”

 

He grinned, “The 14^th.”

 

“You’re kidding, right?” Rob gave him a wry smile.

 

“Nope,” Mitch shook his head, “I was born on Valentine’s Day. That’s why I’m such a Sweetheart.”

 

“Sorry,” Rob told him, “that’s not the first word that comes to mind when I think of you.”

 

“Hey,” Paula cried, “Terry’s here…Jason, set a place at the table for him, please.”

 

“Come on in, Bro,” Rob greeted, “Have a seat and some eats.”

 

“Hey everybody,” he sat, as Jason put a plate in front of him, “I come bearing good tidings from the North Country.”

 

“What’s that?” Mitch wondered.

 

“Chelsea called,” Terry reported, filling his plate, “You’re not going to believe what she’s done. It was definitely the right thing to leave her there with Dad.”

 

“She got a job?” Paula guessed.

 

“Better,” Terry grinned, “She’s convinced Dad to sell his place and move down here with us.”

 

“You’re kidding!” Rob’s jaw dropped.

 

“Can you believe it?!” Terry asked triumphantly, “Didn’t even take her a month.”

 

“That’s amazing,” Rob was beaming.

 

“No, it’s not,” Mitch shrugged, “I’m not surprised.”

 

They all looked at him like he was nuts, so he continued, “Well, she’s got the touch, you know?”

 

“The touch?” Rob scrunched his brows.

 

“Yeah,” Mitch nodded, “The touch…like Paula…she’s got the touch, too.”

 

They all looked at each other, then back at Mitch for further explanation.

 

“Oh, come on, Dad,” Mitch said, “Admit it. You…Terry…Me…We’d all let Chelsea put a ring in our nose and lead us around anywhere she wanted. Why should Grandpa be any different?”

 

“Well,” Terry defended, “She’s my little girl, so…”

 

“And she’s my niece,” Rob excused.

 

“And I wish to God,” Mitch lamented, “That she wasn’t my cousin.”

 

“Just don’t forget that she is,” Terry was quick to warn.

 

“Don’t worry,” Mitch smiled, “My conscience, and the rest of you, won’t let me forget it.”

 

~*~

 

The house was decked out in a cross between Valentine’s Day and birthday decorations, balloons and streamers everywhere. The Jackson’s were glad to have something to celebrate after the long winter of tragedies. Chelsea had rejoined the household now that the place in St. Louis had been listed for sale. Bill was staying with Terry for the time being, still unsure where he wanted to settle permanently.

 

Mitch had just blown out all 27 candles on his heart shaped cake, when Rob got everyone’s attention.

 

“I have something else to celebrate tonight, too,” he announced, “We just made our first sale on our web-site! Someone ordered plans for an arena!”

 

“That’s great, Son,” Bill congratulated, “It’s about time things turned around for you.”

 

“For all of us, Dad,” Rob slapped him on the back, “For all of us.”

 

The phone began ringing, so Rob went to the study to answer away from all the cheering and laughter. When he returned, the smile was gone from his face.

 

“Honey,” Paula went to him, as the room fell silent, “What is it?”

 

“Paula, Honey,” he took hold of her shoulders, “that was your mom…She was so upset, I could only understand about half of what she said. Something about your dad…I told her we’d be right there.”

 

“Oh, no,” Paula felt herself go weak, Rob holding her up.

 

“Come on, Honey,” he was saying, “We’ll call as soon as we know anything. Boys, you stay here with Chelsea.”

 

“I’ll stay here, too, Dad,” Mitch volunteered, “Let us know if we can do anything.”

 

~*~

 

The next 24 hours turned into a nightmare for Paula. The events were going on around her as if she were outside of time and body, watching them from a distance. The flashing lights of the ambulance as it left with her unresponsive father inside. Her mother’s disconnected sentences and incomprehensible explanations. The long ride to the hospital and the seeming disorganization of the emergency room. Then the long hours in the waiting room outside of surgery.

 

Paula lost all track of time. She didn’t remember eating, but she wasn’t hungry. She didn’t remember leaving, but she had on different clothes, so someone must have brought her some things from home. She had a vague notion that Mitch had been there part of the time.

 

The only thing she was sure of was Rob. His constant steady voice handling everything that arose. He was the one that answered the questions for the paramedics. He was the one who calmed Hazel and got her into the Jeep for the trip to the hospital. He was the one who asked the right questions in the emergency room to ascertain that Clay had been taken to surgery for a ruptured aneurysm.

 

Now he was the one standing here, holding her firmly and telling her she would never see her father alive again. The room was spinning all around her, she could hear her mother’s frantic cries in the distance, and the lights were growing dim.

 

“Paula,” Rob shook her, “Stay with me, here.”

 

The next thing she knew, his arms were around her and she was sobbing uncontrollably. He held her tightly and rocked her like a baby, whispering gently in her ear.

 

“Shh,” he quieted her, “It’s OK. I’m here. I’ll take care of everything, Honey.”

 

“Where’s Mother?” She started coming to her senses.

 

“The doctor gave her a sedative,” Rob told her, “Are you able to sit with her for a moment? I need to make some arrangements. Mitch is here, too. He’ll stay with you.”

 

“I’m OK,” she started pulling herself together as he led her to a couch.

 

Mitch was sitting next to Hazel, who now had a glazed look on her face, unaware of anything going on around her.

 

“Sit here, Mom,” Mitch motioned to his other side, “I’ll stay right here with you while Dad answers all their questions.”

 

~*~

 

The next phase of the nightmare began. Taking Hazel to the funeral home to make arrangements. Calling all of the extended family to tell the story over and over and over again. Paula had no siblings, so the responsibilities fell solely to her. Once again, Rob was the constant. He somehow managed to keep Hazel subdued through the whole process. He enlisted Chelsea to help with the phone calls. Above all, he never left Paula’s side. When all the dust had settled, Chelsea had shifted her things to the study, Hazel had taken up residence in the guestroom, and there was a for sale sign in front of the farm where Paula had grown up.

 

~*~

 

“Honey,” Rob turned off the light and climbed into bed, “Are you OK?”

 

“I don’t know,” she confessed, curling up in his arms, “I keep hoping I’m going to wake up and find out it was all just a bad dream.”

 

“I know,” he stroked her hair gently, “I wish that’s all it was, too.”

 

“Tell me it’s not going to get any worse,” she requested.

 

“I wish I could make that promise, Baby,” he kissed her forehead, “But I won’t make you a promise I can’t keep. I’m afraid I have no control over what lies ahead. All I can promise you is that whatever it is, we’ll face it together.”

 

“Rob,” she spoke very softly, “the first eleven years of our marriage were nothing but ‘for better’. If we have eleven years of ‘for worse’, you won’t let go of me, will you?”

 

“Never, Sweetheart,” he cradled her close, “I’ll never let go of you. That I can promise.”

 

“Do you think spring will ever come?” She was whispering now.

 

“Spring always comes,” he assured, kissing her deeply, “After winter, spring always comes.”