Paula
looked at the empty space next to her in the bed. She
hadn’t even bothered to turn off the bedside lamp, because she knew she
wouldn’t be able to sleep. Her deep brown eyes were starting to tire
from the book
she’d been reading.
She
sighed and ran her fingers through her long brown hair.
A glance at the alarm clock told her it was nearing 11:00. She felt a
pang of
insecurity and looked again at the empty spot beside her. Finally, she
reached
for her husband’s pillow and buried her face in it. She could smell him
there.
She closed her eyes and let the scent linger, almost able to feel him
against
her.
She
let herself drift back to that day sixteen years ago…
~*~
It
was a warm summer morning, the beginning of what promised
to be a hot day. She was in the vet truck with her boss, Dr. Brown.
They had a
good relationship, working hand in glove from all their years together.
He was
tall and thin, dark hair and a mustache. He had a brash manner that
some people
couldn’t take, but he got along well with the old farmers in the area,
because
he was brutally honest.
Paula
had started working at his clinic when she was still
in high school, coming in after hours to clean cages and mop floors.
She and
Doc had gotten along instantly, partly because he reminded her of her
father.
Now, at 25, she was the one he preferred to take out on farm calls, to
assist
him in surgery, and she also managed the clinic for him.
“Looks
like Terry’s got them all ready for us,” Doc observed,
turning the truck toward the path leading up to the old barn.
Terry
Jackson was a regular client since he’d moved in with
his grandfather. Old Mr. Jackson hadn’t been quite the same after his
wife
died, so Terry, who’d just been through a messy divorce, moved down
from St.
Louis to help him out. It seemed to be a good arrangement for both of
them.
Paula
saw Terry standing next to the corral full of cows,
his stout frame in jeans and a plain white T-shirt. He had a deep tan
that
accented his dark brown hair and eyes. He was in his thirties and Paula
had
heard that he’d left a good job to come work the farm for his aging
grandfather. She admired him for that.
Terry
waved and the man at his side, who up until now had
been leaning on the fence, turned to look at the approaching truck.
Paula felt
her heart skip a beat and she caught her breath. He was taller than
Terry, she
guessed him to be at least six feet, and his lean body was stretching
with
muscles. The legs on his jeans were tight around his thighs and his
bare tanned
arms looked like pistons. He wore a blue flannel shirt with the sleeves
cut out
and it revealed his broad shoulders and chest.
As
Paula stepped out, she could see that his thick blond
hair was long enough to be pulled back in a ponytail, a few strands
blowing
loose around his handsome face. He had
a small cleft in his chin and as he smiled, dimples appeared in his
cheeks.
What
really caught her attention, were his eyes. The
deepest, clearest blue she had ever seen. So blue, she thought, I could
swim in
them.
Paula
realized he was looking at her almost as intently as
she was at him. She smiled back at him and his smile broadened to show
perfect
white teeth. She immediately glanced at his finger to see if he wore a
ring.
Her first thought when she saw the bare hand, was that perhaps she
could put a
ring there herself someday.
“Hi,
Doc, Paula,” Terry called, then nodded toward the
handsome stranger, “This is my baby brother, Rob.”
Doc
reached out and shook his hand, “Hi, always glad for
another hand with this kind of stuff.”
“Doesn’t
look like a baby to me,” Paula said teasingly, and
noticed how his eyes danced at the remark.
“Only
to Terry,” Rob spoke with a smooth baritone voice that
was almost musical.
“Shall
we?” Terry opened the gate and they started to work.
It
was Paula’s job to keep track of the paper work, label
all the samples, and keep everything organized. She
could almost do this kind of thing blindfolded now, she’d
done it for so long. So, while she did her job as efficiently as
always, she
watched Rob intently, helping move the cows into the chute each in
turn. He was
obviously not a stranger to working on a farm.
She
listened as he and Terry teased each other, somewhat
ruthlessly, and noticed that Rob generally managed to get the upper
hand on his
older brother. She also noticed that he was watching her every chance
he could
afford.
As
they finished the last cow, Terry asked, “Hey, Doc, while
you’re here…Can I get you to look at a mare? I think she’s got a tooth
giving
her some trouble…”
“Sure,”
Dr. Brown followed him into the barn, leaving Paula
and Rob alone as she packed up all the samples.
“You
been doing this for a while, huh?” Rob squatted down
next to her on the ground.
“Long
while,” she confirmed, bent on her knees,
double-checking each tube of blood for the proper documentation. “So,
what are
you here for? Just a visit, or are you staying here like Terry?”
“Well,”
he ventured, “theoretically I’m here on vacation…”
“But
you’re working more than you’re vacationing,” she
finished for him, laughing.
“And
now,” he added, “I’m wondering if maybe I should stay.”
She
looked up at that last remark, wondering if it meant
what she wanted it to, “Because you’re grandfather needs more help?”
“Because
I like the scenery,” he winked.
She
blushed and closed the lid on the sample case, “Guess
it’s all ready to go.”
He
stood up and held his hand down to assist her, “So what
do you think?”
She
gladly took his warm, strong hand and let him pull her
to her feet, “What do I think about what?”
“Should
I stay?” He still had her hand in his.
“I
think you’re quite capable of making that decision all by
yourself.”
“Ready,
Paula?” Doc interrupted, returning to the truck.
“Ready,”
she nodded, then to Rob, “Let me know what you
decide.”
~*~
It
was two days later when Paula heard that hypnotizing
voice again. She was in the treatment room of the clinic and she could
hear him
talking to Linda, the receptionist, in the lobby.
“Is
Paula here?” Were the first words she could distinguish.
“Sure,”
Linda told him, then pressed the intercom button,
“Paula, there’s a client here to see you.”
Paula
felt her pulse increase. She hit the intercom reply
button, “I’ll be right there.”
Doc
kept a mirror by the doorway just inside the treatment
area. He liked his employees to look neat with the clients, but he
expected
them to work hard enough behind the scenes to get dirty. The solution
was a
coat rack next to the mirror where everyone kept extra white lab
coats—clean
for the front and dirty for the back.
Paula
glanced in the mirror. Her lab coat was stained with
blood, among other things. She grabbed her clean one and switched. Her
long brown
hair was pulled back and hung in a braid halfway down her back. She
always wore
it that way for work. No makeup for work either, just her smooth tanned
complexion, a slight hint of the Cherokee blood she carried from her
paternal
grandmother. She took a deep breath and collected herself before going
through
the swinging door.
“Hi,”
she greeted Rob.
He
was leaning across the front counter, his arms bare
again, in a yellow T-shirt with the sleeves cut out. Her heart was
racing and
she wondered if he could tell.
“Hi,
Paula,” his voice was smooth and casual, “Terry sent me
in to pay the bill for the other day.”
“He
gives you all the fun jobs, doesn’t he?” She reached
into the tray of accounts receivable and handed the proper slip to
Linda,
“First you wrestle the cattle and now you pay the bill.”
“I’m
not complaining,” he was still leaning, looking at her
with mischief in his eyes.
“Linda
will take your money,” Paula let her eyes meet his,
“That’s her job, not mine.”
“And
what will you take?” He challenged, reaching for his
wallet.
“Don’t
tempt me,” she met the challenge, “I’m on duty right
now.”
Linda
was struggling to maintain her composure while taking
the cash Rob handed her. She was trying not to seem intent on the
flirting
conversation, but she couldn’t avoid listening.
“So,”
Rob quizzed, “How about when you’re off duty? Terry
says you have horses. We’re going on a trail ride east of here on
Saturday.
Would you like to go with us?”
A
thousand thoughts ran through her mind, but the foremost
was disappointment, “I have to work on Saturday. Otherwise, I’d love
to.”
“Oh,”
Rob’s smile vanished, obviously sharing in her
disappointment.
“I’ll
work for you Saturday,” Linda offered, drawing their
attention, “God knows you’ve covered for me plenty of times.”
“Really?”
Paula heard excitement in her own voice, “You’re
sure you don’t mind?”
“I’m
sure,” Linda nodded, “Go and have a good time. You know
I live my life through you vicariously most of the time, anyway.”
Rob
was chuckling as Paula shot Linda a look that told her
to shut up, “Then you’ll come with us? We’ve got a big trailer, so we
can come
by early Saturday morning and pick you and your horse up. Be ready by
7:30?”
“Sounds
fine,” Paula agreed, “Terry knows where I live. I’ll
see you then.”
It
seemed like years before Saturday morning arrived. A
crisp morning, but a day that would most certainly turn hot. Paula was
wearing
jeans and a red tank top. She had a denim shirt on over it right now,
with the
sleeves cuffed up. She figured when it got hot, she needed to have a
layer that
could be peeled off. Her small Appaloosa gelding, Chief, was already
saddled
and ready to load. He was a stout little bay roan with ample spots on
his
blanketed rump.
In
the nearby pasture, his buddy, Buckshot, was complaining
about being left behind. Buckshot was a sorrel leopard spot, about the
same
size as his friend, and they didn’t like to be separated. There was a
tall
sorrel mare with him, named Ginger, but she was always happy as long as
she had
grass to eat.
Paula
leaned against Chief and watched the red Suburban pull
up, towing a four-horse trailer. Her liver spotted Dalmatian, Queenie,
ran up
to it with a menacing snarl.
“It’s
OK, Queen,” Paula called, and she immediately began
wagging her tail, “They’re friends.”
Terry
and Rob jumped out, both in jeans and sleeveless
shirts. Rob’s was a pale blue that made his eyes even brighter.
“Mornin’,”
Rob called, looking first at Paula, then at her
horse, “Looks like you’re both ready.”
She
was starting to feel more comfortable with Rob’s word
games, so she decided to play along, “Well, Chief here was born ready,
but
sometimes it takes me a while.”
Terry,
who was opening the trailer, tried to stifle his
laughter at her blatant remark. Rob blushed and looked at the other
horses.
“That
must be the infamous Buckshot,” he changed the
subject.
“Infamous,
is he?” She led Chief to the trailer and he
stepped in obediently.
“Terry
told me not to tease you about your short-legged horses,”
Rob explained, opening the back door of the Suburban for her, “Or you’d
hop on
Buckshot and make me eat your dust.”
“Is
that all he told you?” Paula asked, climbing in.
“He
said I should ask you for the whole story,” Rob said, getting
in the front passenger side. He turned sideways, so he could talk to
her over
the back of his seat. “So, tell me your story.”
“Well,”
she settled in for the tale she had told countless
times, “Doc has a stable at his place. Indoor and outdoor arena, the
works. He
boards horses and has someone there to teach riding lessons and so
forth.
Anyway, a bunch of these hotshot guys from Springfield got the big idea
that
they needed to start a polo club, so they talked to Doc about using his
place.
He’s got a nice big flat open field for them to play polo in and they
figure
they can board their horses in his stable.
“Now,”
she went on, “these are the kind of guys who drive
fancy little sports cars and like to impress people, you understand. So
they go
gallivanting all around the country, collecting retired race horses and
such to
play polo.”
“You
don’t like these guys much,” Rob surmised.
“They’re
all a bunch of rich, pompous jerks,” she told him,
“So, anyway, about that same time, the couple who Doc had working for
him at
the stable left him high and dry. Well, it’s a lot easier to train
someone to
work at the clinic that to run a stable, so he asked me to bring Chief
and
Buckshot out to his place and run the barn for him.
“It
was just temporary,” she continued, “but he needed
someone who already knew how to muck stalls and give riding lessons,
until he
could hire a replacement. So, I was out there when all these hotshot
guys show
up for polo practice with their long-legged racehorses.
“It’s
some sort of law of physics, I have determined,” she
explained, “that when you put a bunch of these types together, they
magnify and
get worse.”
Rob
listened wide-eyed, hanging on her every word. Terry
drove, glancing back from time to time, enjoying the story he’d heard
before.
“It
wasn’t long before they were teasing me pretty
relentlessly about my short-legged cow ponies,” Paula shook her head,
“And I
can put up with a lot, but I won’t let someone pick on my horse. So, I
told
them that either one of my ‘cow ponies’ could beat their race horses in
an all
out run, just pick which one they wanted me to ride and I’d show them.”
“Oh,
Jeez,” Rob murmured.
“They
picked Buckshot,” she went on, “and I threw a bridle
on him, jumped on without a saddle and led the way out to the polo
field. We
lined them all up and we’re supposed to go to the end of the field,
turn and
come straight back, right?”
“OK,”
he nodded, leaning closer.
“So, someone shouts
‘go’, and I grabbed a handful of mane, gave him a good kick and held on
for dear
life! I swear, some of those Thoroughbreds didn’t even make it to the
end of
the field before we were back and across the finish line. It was
absolutely
priceless! I wish you could have seen the their faces!”
Terry
and Rob were both laughing at the thought. Rob said,
“I bet they never teased you again.”
“Nope,”
Paula laughed, “They treated me like the Queen of
England after that!”
“Tell
him the kicker,” Terry prodded.
“You
mean the part they didn’t know?” She asked and when he nodded,
she went on, “Buckshot and Chief are both retired barrel racers. So,
they’re
intimately familiar with sudden bursts of speed, quick turns and
pouring on
everything they’ve got for home! I’d run both of them like that for
practices a
million times. Those race horses didn’t stand a chance.”
“Ouch!”
Rob laughed, “I don’t want to get on your bad side!”
“Mmmm,”
she winked, “Let that be a lesson to you.”
“So,
you run barrels?” He asked.
“I
used to,” she answered, “But I retired with my horses.
Not worth all the driving and hauling and entry fees.”
“You
should see all her trophies,” Terry told him.
Rob
looked at his brother, wondering when and how he had
seen Paula’s trophies, “Maybe I
will sometime.”
“Terry
and your grandfather,” Paula explained, “came out
this past spring and helped us out. A big wind came through and put a
tree down
right onto our house. It was more than my dad could handle on his own,
so he
called them and asked them to help.”
Rob
seemed relieved by her explanation and Terry seemed
irritated that she hadn’t let him keep an edge over his brother.
Definite
sibling rivalry.
“Here
we are,” Terry announced and pulled up next to a row
of other trailers.
Paula
got Chief out first, then Terry led out his big bay
gelding named Cowboy. She and Doc had worked on him several times.
Terry and
his grandfather had several Quarter Horses between them, and Paula knew
that
Terry’s family had horses at their home in Wentzville.
Rob
led out a beautiful buckskin mare that she assumed was
his, since she had never seen her before. The mare nuzzled him fondly,
much
like Chief did her.
“Nice
mare,” Paula commented, while they waited for Terry to
close up the trailer and lock the truck, “She must be yours.”
“Yeah,”
Rob nodded, stroking the horse’s neck, “I’m going to
leave her down here. She’ll have more room here and Terry promised me
he’ll
ride her. She likes to work cows and that just doesn’t happen anymore
at home.”
“What’s
her name?” Paula was standing close to him, petting
the mare’s nose.
“Buttermilk,”
he said softly.
She
giggled and gave him a sideways look, “Buttermilk?”
He
pointed a finger at her and warned teasingly, “Don’t give
me a hard time about my horse’s name.”
She
reached up and put one hand on his shoulder, speaking
low enough that only he could hear, “A hard TIME is
not what I plan on giving you, Dear.”
He
blushed from head to toe and shook his head. This was the
second time today she’d embarrassed him. Not something to which he was
accustomed.
He
was rescued by someone calling out for everyone to mount
up and get ready to leave. Paula noticed him sitting a bit
uncomfortably in the
saddle at first and smiled inside. Obviously she had achieved her goal.
They
spent the rest of the day riding, staying with the
group. They rode side by side when possible, but much of the trail
allowed only
single file. Terry stayed ahead of them most of the time and she
wondered if he
regretted her presence. There was a designated station set up for a
lunch
break, with a catering truck already there to sell concessions.
Paula
enjoyed herself and she and Rob visited like old
friends. She kept noticing Terry watching them when he could. She also
noticed
several of the other women, most of whom she knew, paying close
attention to
Rob. He, on the other hand, seemed unaware of anyone but her.
It
was late afternoon when they returned to her folks’ farm
and Rob helped her unload Chief. Terry sat patiently in the truck and
waited
for him.
Paula
looped the lead rope around the fence, turning to tell
Rob good-bye. He reached over, though, and started taking the saddle
off for
her.
“You
don’t have to do that,” she protested.
“I’m
not doing it because I have to,” he told her, “I want
to. Now, where do you keep this?”
“Just
inside the barn,” she nodded, “There’s an empty rack
for it.”
He
returned, brushes in hand. He gave one to her, and they
began grooming the tired gelding, each taking a side.
“I
had a really good time today,” she smiled across Chief’s back,
“Thanks for inviting me.”
“I’m
glad you came,” he stopped brushing and rested his arms
on Chief, “Is it OK if I call you this week?”
“Sure,”
she smiled, realizing that every fiber of her being
wanted him to lean over and kiss her right then, “Terry knows the
number, or
your grandfather does, I’m sure.”
“OK,
then,” he handed her the brush and patted Chief before
turning to leave, “Have a good night. I’ll talk to you soon.”
“OK,
you too,” she called, not sure which was stronger, the
excitement from the day, or the emptiness of him leaving.
~*~
Paula
was just coming to the front desk Monday morning, when
Terry stepped into the clinic. She glanced out the window to see if he
was
alone. No sign of Rob.
“Hey,
Paula,” he greeted, “I need to get a bottle of
Penicillin and some 12 cc syringes.”
“Sure
thing, Terry,” she went to fetch them. Upon returning,
she asked, “Where’s Rob?”
“I
left him patching fences,” he told her, “Listen, Paula, I
think I should tell you something about my brother.”
“What’s
that?” She didn’t like the sound of Terry’s voice.
“I
know he’s been pouring on the charm with you,” he
acknowledged, “and there’s no doubt that you’ve made an impression on
him,
but…”
“But
what?” Paula prodded.
“Just
be careful,” he shrugged, “You’re a sweet girl and
you’ve only seen him on his best behavior. He’s pretty wild sometimes.
I’d hate
to see you get hurt, that’s all.”
“Wild,
huh?” She smiled, “He’s been a perfect gentleman to
me, so far.”
“Look,”
Terry finally confessed, “He likes to party. He
drinks a lot, smokes when he’s not around Gramps…and he enjoys
women…lots of
them…he’s not the settling down type, if you get my drift.
He’s just looking for a good time. I’d kind
of feel responsible if you ended up getting your heart broken over
this.”
“Thanks
for your concern, Terry,” she smiled, “I’ll keep it
in mind.”
~*~
“Paula,”
Linda called over the intercom on Tuesday
afternoon, “You have a call on line one.”
“This
is Paula, how can I help you?” She answered in her
typical fashion.
“I
was hoping for a house call tonight,” Rob teased, “Or
would you rather I play doctor and do the calling?”
“Sorry,”
she was glad he couldn’t see her blush, “No after
hours calls. It’s not in my contract.”
“Well,”
he mused, “Maybe we’ll have to write our own
contract then. Can I come visit you tonight?”
“Yes,
you may,” she answered, “I’ll be home by six…give me a
chance to grab some supper, OK?”
“Six-thirty,
then?”
“Perfect.”
~*~
Paula
just had time to swallow a sandwich and jump in the
shower. She fluffed her long hair with the blow dryer and threw on a
pair of
denim shorts and a pink tank top.
She
was just coming down the stairs when her mother let Rob
in the kitchen door. The look in his eyes said he approved. He was
wearing
shorts, as well, and a navy blue tank. They looked like they had picked
out
each other’s clothes.
“Hi,
Rob,” Paula greeted, “Mom, this is Rob; this is my
mother, Hazel.”
“Good
to meet you,” Hazel, a small woman in her sixties,
nodded to him as he spoke.
“Daddy?”
Paula called, “He’s probably in here…”
Rob
followed her into the living room and they found her
father sitting with a book. He stood up, as tall as Rob and even
thinner.
“Daddy,”
Paula introduced, “This is Rob Jackson; this is my
father, Clay Curtis.”
“Pleasure
to meet you, Sir,” Rob shook his hand.
“Glad
to meet you,” Paula’s father was sizing up the young
man.
“Come
with me, Rob,” Paula knew better than to leave him at
her father’s mercy, “I’ll show you around.”
He
trailed after her, out the back door, and toward the
barn, “Didn’t want me to visit with them?”
“Does
‘feeding Christians to the lions’ bring any images to
mind?” Paula laughed. “Well, figure my dad as the lion, OK?”
“Hmm,”
he mused, “I’m not usually cast in the part of the
Christian…”
“Interesting
you should mention that,” Paula told him, as
they sat down on a bale of straw against the barn, “Your brother
stopped by the
clinic to warn me about you.”
Rob
looked surprised, “To warn you about me?”
“Yep,”
she shared, “Apparently, you’re an evil, womanizing, drunk that
I should
steer clear of…my words, not his.”
“I
probably don’t want to hear his words,” Rob rubbed a hand
over his face, disturbed by his brother’s intervention. “So, are you
going to
take his advice?”
“Well,”
she told him, “It did occur to me that perhaps he’s
just jealous.”
“You’re
not much afraid of anything, are you?” Rob smiled at
her.
“Not
really,” she confessed, “I figure being scared of a
rattlesnake, once you’ve already stepped on it, only makes matters
worse.”
“So,”
he wondered, “do you figure you’ve stepped on a
rattlesnake?”
“Why
don’t you
tell me,” she suggested.
“What
do you know about Terry?” He queried.
“Not
a lot,” she shrugged, “The story around here is that
he’s divorced and gave up a good job in St. Louis to come down and help
your
grandfather. That’s really all I know. He did tell me that your folks
live in
Wentzville and have Quarter Horses.”
“Well,”
he conceded, “there’s a lot more to the story than
that, but it’s not my place to talk about it. Terry probably is a
little
jealous, too. Not so much because he’s interested in you, as he just
can’t
stand to see me have a chance at being happy.”
“That’s
not a very nice thing to say,” Paula scolded, “Terry
doesn’t seem like the type to be mean and hateful.
He’s certainly good to your grandfather.”
Rob
looked at her, trying to read her eyes, “What do you
want to know?”
She
shrugged, “I really don’t care about Terry, or what he
has to say. I want to know about you. How old are you?”
“I’m
29,” he answered, “How old are you?”
“I’m
25,” she told him, “So are you an evil, womanizing
drunk?”
“Look,”
he finally told her, “Terry was away at college already
when I graduated from high school. I went up for the summer to stay
with him
before school started. While I was living with him, he didn’t like the
way I
conducted my life. I was young then, and away from home for the first
time. I
got a little crazy for a while.”
“What
college?” She asked.
“UMR,”
he told her.
“You
guys went to UMR?” Paula was surprised, “Terry has a
degree from UMR?”
“Yes,”
he answered, “He’s got a degree in electrical
engineering. That’s the ‘good job’ he quit.”
“Well,”
she shook her head, “I would’ve never guessed that.
And you? Did you party too hard or did you manage to get an engineering
degree
too?”
“My
major,” he informed, “is in architecture, with a minor
in mechanical engineering.”
“Wow,”
she grinned, “Good looks and brains, too! How’d you
manage that?”
He
blushed, searching in vain for an appropriate response.
“And
unaccustomed to being embarrassed,” she added, teasing
him.
“And
very unaccustomed to a woman tying me in knots,” he
confessed.
“Do
I tie you in knots?” She pursued.
They
were still sitting side by side on the bale of straw.
He looked at her, amazement in his eyes, “Completely.”
Paula
seized the moment, “Then perhaps we should untie at
least one of them.”
She
leaned over, kissing him gently, and he responded by
pulling her into his arms and kissing her passionately. Her head was
swimming
and the electricity shooting through her body made her tremble.
She
pulled back and whispered, “Is that any better?”
He
swallowed hard, his eyes were pools of emotion, “God,
Woman, what are you trying to do to me?”
She
put her hand on his cheek, “Make you fall in love with
me.”
“Well,”
his voice was thick, “it’s working.”
“So,”
she cooed softly, “I guess I should keep it up, huh?”
“Oh,
believe me, Honey,” he replied, “It’s up.”
It
was her turn to blush now, and he chuckled.
“But,”
he added, with a sigh, “I’m guessing your father
doesn’t allow overnight guests…so, that’s one knot we can’t untie.”
“Gee,”
she regained her composure, “how very perceptive of
you.”
“Well,”
he shrugged, “after being shot at three or four
times, you start learning to read people.”
She
laughed, “Somehow, I think that may actually have
happened to you.”
He
sat and looked at her for several moments, then finally
he asked, “Are you seeing anyone else?”
“No,”
she shook her head. “Are you?”
“No,”
he turned toward her and pulled her over onto his lap,
“And I keep asking myself how in the hell we can make this work with
200 miles
between us.”
She
wrapped her arms around his neck, pulled his hair loose
and started toying with it. She could feel his pleasure at her action.
“Well,”
she kissed his forehead, “You’re going to have to
come down to visit your horse, you know. She’ll miss you, if you don’t.”
“You
think?” He dipped his fingers into her hair now,
kissing her on the neck.
“And
you could always call me,” she suggested, “And I could
take messages to her…about how much you miss her…”
“You’d
do that for me?” He was trailing kisses over her bare
shoulder now.
“Well,”
she teased, “I’d do it for Buttermilk.”
He
started laughing and looked back into her eyes, “I don’t
want you to see anyone else.”
“I
already told you, I’m not,” she reminded, “I don’t want
you to see anyone else either.”
“As
far as I’m concerned,” he kissed her deeply, “You’re the
only woman in the world.”
~*~
Paula
pulled her face from the pillow. It was wet now with
her tears. She looked at the clock again, and saw it was 11:30. The
emptiness
was more than she could bear. She got up and went downstairs.
The
house was silent. Her boys were fast asleep in their
room. The lights were all off. The moon was full. She walked to the
coat rack
and grabbed an old flannel shirt hanging there. Again, her husband’s
scent
flooded her being. She wrapped herself in his old shirt and walked out
to the
porch swing.
Sam
jumped up from his resting spot by the front door. He
walked over and sat by the swing, laying his head in her lap. She
stroked his
ears and gazed at the moon…
~*~
Rob
came back to visit every weekend he was able. He stayed
with his grandfather and Terry and spent as much time with Paula as
possible.
He called her during the week and they told each other stories about
their
lives and adventures they’d had growing up.
The
distance was a strain at first, but they fell into a
routine that became comfortable for them both. They each had demanding
jobs, so
that helped the weekdays pass. The worst days were the weekends when he
couldn’t drive down.
It
was a cool fall Saturday night with a full moon and they
were talking quietly in the barn at the Jackson farm. Since neither of
them had
a place of their own, at least not here, they usually took refuge with
the
horses in order to gain some privacy.
“I
have an idea,” Rob jumped up, grabbing a pair of bridles.
He had on his normal jeans and a red flannel shirt, with a T-shirt
underneath.
“What?”
Paula followed him to the stalls at the end of the
barn. She was wearing jeans and a sweatshirt.
“Let’s
take a moonlight ride,” he put a bridle on
Buttermilk, then grabbed Cowboy for Paula to ride.
“OK,”
she suggested, “But let’s leave Cowboy…Buttermilk can
carry us both…bareback.”
His
eyes twinkled, “Of course, she can.”
They
rode together in the moonlight, Paula in front, his arms
around her to control the reins. They were both instinctive riders, so
they
moved as one on the large mare. It was the first time they had ridden
together
like this, yet it felt so natural to them both, they were silently
amazed.
Buttermilk came to a halt in a clearing next to a pond. Her ears
twitched at
the sound of coyotes in the distance.
“They
won’t hurt you, Sweetie,” Paula comforted the horse.
Rob
slid off and then lifted Paula down. He led Buttermilk
to a strong tree and tied her there.
“Beautiful,
isn’t it?” He wrapped his arms around her from
behind and looked up at the star filled sky, “This is my favorite part
of
Gramp’s place…The stars at night.”
“Guess
you can’t see them in St. Louis, huh?” Paula
realized.
“Not
like this,” he slid his hands beneath her shirt and
began gently caressing his way up to her bare breasts.
She
felt his warm breath on her neck and her whole being was
crying out for him. She turned around and slid her arms around his neck
so they
could kiss. They had perfected the art
of kissing over the summer, since it was the only thing they’d had an
opportunity to do.
He
pulled away enough to look into her eyes, his voice thick
with desire, “I want to make love to you…right out here, tonight under
the stars.”
An
image of a rattlesnake rearing its head up and sinking
its fangs in her leg full force shot through her. The thought sent a
look of
terror to her eyes. A look Rob saw immediately.
“What’s
wrong, Honey?” He asked gently.
“Rob,”
her voice was shaking, “I’m sorry…I should’ve told
you this before now…I just…It never seemed like the right time…”
“Tell
me what, Sweetheart?” He was still holding her against
him, “Don’t be afraid to tell me.”
“Rob…”she
hesitated, “I’ve never…I mean…Rob…I’m a virgin…”she
finally confessed and buried her face in his chest, unwilling to see
his
response.
As
her words sank in, she felt his arms tighten around her
and he put his lips close to her ear, “Sweetheart, don’t say that like
it’s
something to be ashamed of.”
She
inhaled the scent of his flannel shirt, mixed with his
own special smell. She was afraid to speak again. She wanted to just
disappear
into his arms.
“Honey,”
he finally pushed her away to see her face, “Why
were you afraid to tell me that?”
“Because,”
she admitted, “I don’t know if you’ll still want
me now.”
He
looked down at her in utter amazement, “Sweetheart, it
makes me want you even more…But not here and not now.”
“Rob,”
she told him, “I love you. I’ve loved you since that
first day I saw you… I do want…”
“Shh,”
he stopped her, “Listen to me, Paula…I love you, too.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I’m going to start looking for a
job down
here.”
“You’d
move?” She asked.
“Yes,”
he told her, “If I can get a position in Springfield,
I can drive in every day from here. There’s plenty of room for me to
stay here
and Gramps would love it.”
“We
could see each other every day,” Paula realized what
this would mean for them.
“Yes,”
he kissed her lightly, “And I could start putting
some money away. We could buy some land of our own, Paula. Build our
own
place…”
“Are
you saying what I think you are?” She felt tears
welling up.
“Yes,
Baby,” he smiled, “I want you to marry me. Will you be
my wife, Paula?”
“Oh,
yes!” She kissed him hungrily. “I’d marry you this very
minute, Rob!”
He
picked her up and swung her around in a circle twice,
then set her back on her feet. She was laughing and dizzy.
“We’re
going to do this right, OK?” He told her. “First, I
get a job here…then when we have a place, we’ll get married.”
“Rob,
that could take years…”she protested.
“Or
maybe it won’t…”he told her. “But even if it does…it’ll
be worth it. Now, don’t argue with me about it.”
She
could see the determination in his face. He was a strong
man physically, but his strength of character was even deeper. She had
already
discovered that about him. She knew if his mind was made up, there was
no
changing it.
“All
right, Honey,” she conceded, “Whatever you say. But I
don’t want to wait years for you to make love to me…”
He
pulled her close and kissed her with all the passion he
felt. His hands slid up her bare back and sent chills down her spine.
She could
feel his firmness pressing against her belly. She eased her hand down
to press
it against him and he grabbed her hand, stepping back. His breathing
was faster
and his eyes were swimming.
“No,”
he held her back, “I meant what I said, Paula. Not
here… not now. Believe me, I don’t want it to be years, either. But
we’re going
to wait, do you understand? Not until you’re my wife. Not until we
never have
to be apart again.”
~*~
It
did take years. But they were good years. Years that
deepened their friendship in ways that only time can. It took almost
another year
of distance before he finally got a job in Springfield. It was a year
that
helped them both mature into a relationship based completely on mutual
trust
and respect.
He
had set to work immediately designing a house to build
for them when they found some land. They both agreed to save every
penny they
could to put towards a home.
Much
of their time together was spent planning their future,
discussing their dreams and hopes. Paula learned to deeply respect and
honor
his determination and certainty of what was right. He learned to rely
on her
intuition and sensitivity.
Paula
was the one who eventually found their future home. It
was on a farm call with Doc, and when she took Rob to see it, he fell
in love
with it just as she had. There was already an old farmhouse, so instead
of
building from scratch, as soon as the
place was theirs, they started working on renovating it into the home
they had
dreamed of.
~*~
Sam’s
whining drew Paula back to the present. Cloud cover
had blocked out the moon and she was starting to shiver. The dog sensed
her
sadness and also her physical chill.
“You’re
right,” she told the dog, “I need to go back inside.
You want to come in with me?”
He
wagged his tail and followed her into the living room.
She looked around the dark room, her eyes well adjusted now. She saw
Rob
everywhere she looked in this house. They had done much of the work on
it
together, with their own hands.
She
sunk to the couch and thought about Rob’s hands…
~*~
She
was 30 by the time she slid that wedding ring on his
finger. He was 34. It was just a small wedding with only family and a
few close
friends. They both had agreed long before, that they’d rather have a
nice
honeymoon than a big wedding.
She
had quit her job a week before the wedding, something else
they had decided in one of their many planning sessions. They wanted to
start
working on a family right away.
They
had found a cabin on a lake for the honeymoon. No
telephone, no television. Just a secluded cabin with a gorgeous view of
the
lake. They had a week there to be completely alone.
Rob
opened the cabin door and picked her up to carry her in.
“I
think you’re really supposed to do that at home, aren’t
you?” Paula asked.
“So,
I’ll do it again,” he laughed, and put her down on the bed.
“Are you complaining, Mrs. Jackson?”
“Never
in life, Dear,” she teased, pulling him down next to
her. “Are we really here together, or is this just another one of my
dreams?”
“If
it’s a dream,” he reached over and started unbuttoning her shirt,
“Then
it’s going to last a lifetime.”
“I
love you so much, Rob,” she pulled herself up to kiss
him, “I can’t believe this is finally happening…”
“Then
let me convince you,” he kissed her again and she
melted into him…
~*~
“Thank
you,” she spoke softly, resting her head on his
shoulder as they lay together.
“For
what, Sweetheart?” He caressed her cheek gently.
“For
being so strong and determined,” she told him, “For
insisting all those years that we do the right thing, and not the easy
thing. I
couldn’t have handled it, Rob. If you had made love to me then and
gotten up
and left. Not been able to hold me all night. If you’d left me behind,
you
going back home all those miles between us. It would have torn us
apart…”
“I
know,” he agreed, lifting her chin to look into her eyes,
“We would never have made it to this moment. Listen to me, Sweetheart,
I
promise you we will never spend
another night apart. I don’t care what it takes…for the rest of our
lives, we
will spend every night together.”
~*~
He
had kept that promise. Eleven years they had spent every
night together. Even when she’d been in the hospital to deliver the
boys, he
had stayed with her in her room.
Until
now…she looked at the clock on the mantle and saw that
it was just before midnight. Tears were streaming down her face as she
got up
and started back up the stairs.
“Did
I make it?” A voice spoke from the doorway.
Paula
turned to see Rob standing there, arms open wide, an
exhausted look on his face.
“Yes,”
she cried, running into his arms like a child, “Oh,
God! I’m glad you’re home!”
“Me,
too, Baby,” he rocked her, burying his face in her
hair, “I was afraid I wasn’t going to make it in time. My plane got
delayed. My
cell phone wasn’t working…I couldn’t call you, Honey. I’m so sorry.”
“It
doesn’t matter,” she kissed him, “All that matters is
that you’re home now…I knew you’d make it. You promised me all those
years
ago…I knew you’d keep your promise.”